Past Stray Thoughts
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February 2018
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The End of All Seeking
Barry
(Spirituality)
2018-02-02 19:23:59
When there is grasping, there is entanglement. When there is entanglement, unbound spaciousness...
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The End of All Seeking
Barry
(Spirituality)
2018-02-02 19:23:59
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January 2018
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Walking Meditation and Mindfulness
Barry
(Meditation)
2018-01-20 12:00:58
In 2007, I was on a Vipassana retreat led by Ven. Chanmyay Sayadaw and learned to practice walking...
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Walking Meditation and Mindfulness
Barry
(Meditation)
2018-01-20 12:00:58
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December 2017
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If You Think You Are a Person, You've Been Had
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-12-30 05:47:05
The title above is a quote from Alan Watts. One might feel this seems intended to cajole...
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Christmas and New Year Reflections and Wishes
Barry
(Religion)
2017-12-23 11:05:39
This time of year, I can't help but notice how far much of Christianity has deviated from the...
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Disentangling
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-12-11 07:08:56
A frequent topic in discussion groups about awakening is whether or not there is a self and if...
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The Beginning and End of Searching
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-12-05 23:52:03
When did you first start searching for answers? When did you first realize that you weren't seeing the...
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If You Think You Are a Person, You've Been Had
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-12-30 05:47:05
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November 2017
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What Can Happen to Love After Awakening
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-11-25 18:40:45
In 2006, I was asked by the abbot of the retreat center I was attending to host meditation groups...
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What Thirteen Year Olds Think About
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-11-25 18:01:05
My son and I spent the day in San Francisco yesterday. Driving back, as we were leaving the...
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Stages of Awakening
Barry
(Meditation)
2017-11-20 10:55:00
What does it mean to awaken? Are we awakening from something or are we awakening to something? In...
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What Can Happen to Love After Awakening
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-11-25 18:40:45
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July 2017
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To Self or Not to Self
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-07-03 21:10:34
It has been said that words bind the boundless. One way in which that is true: Many traditions...
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Union and Salvation
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-07-03 18:04:15
There seems to be a cyclical pattern inherent in all religions that brings about the decline of...
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To Self or Not to Self
Barry
(Spirituality)
2017-07-03 21:10:34
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May 2016
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Nothing So Charming as the Present
Barry
(Spirituality)
2010-08-06 22:48:00
An old college buddy asked, "If the present is so charming, why does my mind wander away from the...
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Varieties of Enlightenment
Barry
(Spirituality)
2010-06-14 19:53:00
Back in the mid-seventies I was in the Air Force, and was stationed on Pope Air Force Base near...
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Nothing So Charming as the Present
Barry
(Spirituality)
2010-08-06 22:48:00
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A frequent topic in discussion groups about awakening is whether or not there is a self and if not, what does this mean or how is this known?
Who can deny self awareness? Even an amoeba seems to know it needs to survive by ingesting algae, bacteria, or other protozoans. It feeds itself at the expense of others. The sense of self seems to be implicit in living systems. In the animal kingdom, life is sustained by differentiating self and other. This seems to be a built in attribute of sentient beings necessary for survival and perpetuation of life.
How does this sense of self arise? We all have bodies, physically bound in space and time. At the most basic level, we all feel hunger, thirst, the need to sleep, live within a comfortable temperature range, have shelter from the elements. When we are hungry and out neighbor eats but we don't, we are still hungry though they appear satisfied. At the most fundamental level, we identify with the needs of the body.
Sentient awareness is fundamental. The brain governs bodily functioning as it registers sensations as communication of state. This communication and awareness of changing state is fundamental to living systems. The gestalt of all sensation and perception is conscious mind. Mind makes use of the brain's capability of abstraction, of symbols, language, memory to imagine, to reflect, plan, invent and communicate through thought.
Bodily needs are translated into feelings of attraction or aversion based on prior experience. The mind gives rise to a sense of self largely due to bodily sensation. We communicate our bodily needs to others and they to us, which reifies the sense that they have separate individual needs that may be in competition to our needs. So, there arises a survival instinct or self-preservation due to identification with bodily needs. Our mind becomes busy with strategizing for survival. We historically bonded together in tribes to collaborate on basic survival. Our sense of self may extend to the tribe, community or nation.
But, the mind is not always preoccupied with basic survival. It is also capable of creative expression in the form of art, music, literature, design, etc. So, the mind may begin to identify not just with the body, but with itself, it's creative ability, it's intellectual functioning, it's sensitivities and emotions, which are responses events, past memories, what is presently happening or imagined futures. These emotions are due to remembered past responses or empathy, the ability of the mind to imagine what others may feel due to their circumstances.
The sense of self is further reified by the apparent discreetness of thought. One person doesn't know what another person is thinking. This can be exploited through deceit, tricking others into giving up something valued under false pretenses.
In short, everything we perceive as self is made up of a sense of separateness produced by the localization of bodily sensation and perception. We are apparently discrete, separate entities, physically, mentally and emotionally. We have the sense that we are separate from the rest of the world and feel an obligation to take care of our needs, even at the expense of other living beings.
So, how can anyone propose that this sense of a separate self is an illusion? Yet, when the mind quiets down to the point that individual thoughts can be perceived arising from brain functioning, whether it be through sensory stimulation that triggers memories and associations or through the tendency to worry out of survival motivations, the thoughts are seen for what they are, just thoughts. These thoughts give rise to emotion, craving, aversion, speech, and action. Without seeing this process, consciousness becomes entangled with the mind's thinking process and misses the core, foundational essence, which is awareness itself.
When the mind is quiet, open, bright, pure, clear awareness becomes predominant. This awareness is not localized or owned by the generated self-sense. It is omnipresent. When pure awareness is predominant, the sense of separation dissolves. There are still bodily needs and intellectual interests but, they no longer overshadow this fundamental awareness which transcends identity. Thoughts come and go but without an owner. They are just natural mental functioning. There is still response to bodily need. If it is cold, we put on more clothes. If there is hunger, food is enjoyed. But, the separation of self and other fades in proportion to the depth of clarity of awareness.
As we move from entanglement with the thought process to being an observer of the thought process, our tendency to think in terms of self vs. other diminishes because from the view of awareness, there is no self or other. There is just awareness and the play of cause and effect. All things are the natural response to what came before setting the conditions for what we experience in the present. The present is just awareness itself, the natural fruition of all prior events. When we become aware that awareness is what is perceiving, "we" disappear. There is only awareness being aware. When this happens we see that it has never been any other way. The separate sense of self was also completely natural outcome of the entanglement with mental functioning, the identification with body and thought.
This transformation may be sudden or gradual. Generally, it is gradual until it is sudden. Once it is seen, there is no going back. It's like the old analogy of the rope in the dimly lit room appearing as a snake. When the room is lit, the rope is seen. Even if the room dims again, it is known that it is a rope, not a snake. So, clarity can come and go but on the whole, clarity increases until life is lived from pure awareness disentangled from the illusion of self.
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In 2006, I was asked by the abbot of the retreat center I was attending to host meditation groups in the town I was living at the time. From 2006 to 2009, I hosted meditation groups in Fort Wayne, Indiana and then from 2010 - 2012 in Sacramento. My ex-wife and I separated and then divorced in 2010. Between 2006 and 2012, I had attended many silent Chan and Vipassana retreats of ten days or longer, which brought about transformative shifts in perception and became deeply self-content. This was interpreted as a lack of passion or interest in the relationship, and eventually led to our parting ways.
From 2010 to 2012, I was quite content living alone and enjoyed hosting weekly meditation groups. But by 2012, I started missing have a partner for various practical reasons, but also because I was still having a strong sex drive. I found this very distracting and felt I couldn’t lead meditation groups and give Dharma talks while feeling the need to be in a relationship again, so I chose to stop teaching for awhile. But, after dating for a few years and after a few relationships, I found there was no way to be in a relationship with anyone that was not living an awakened life. It simply wasn’t working. I dated women that claimed to be awakened and some that had been meditators for decades. But, it always came down to there still being a predominant ego very much intact that still felt all the needs for romantic notions of love.
When a person wakes up and that stabilizes, there is no being “in love” with any one person exclusively and there is no center to receive love in an exclusive way. If a partner is attached to the perceived person and especially if they are very possessive or needy about it, and yet there is no sense of identity manifesting in the person they are attached to, it begins to feel like participating in a play. You go through the motions but you know it isn't real, no matter how much the other person thinks it is. It's not that you don't love them, but it's that you don't worship them. A person that is not deeply awakened will always feel your love for them must be unique and exclusive. It's bound to end in disappointment unless both can realize that love is different after awakening. For the partner that has never experienced awakening and the deep contentment and natural non-attachment that comes with it, there is no way for them to understand how you can love but not be attached at the same time. Love, for many people, implies attachment. If there isn't a feeling that you cannot live without another, then they feel the love has gone out of the relationship.
To make matters worse for the partner that has not yet awakened, sexual desire falls by the wayside as awakening deepens, which isn’t interpreted well by a partner that doesn’t live from the same level of contentment and moment-to-moment satisfaction.
I’m pretty convinced it simply doesn’t work for someone that is awakened to pursue a relationship with someone that is not, and to do so only demonstrates a deeper awakening has yet to take place. I’ve resigned myself to that realization and no longer seek relationships. I’m basically a lay monk at this point.
I could see a partnership between two awakened people working especially if their awakenings unfolded after they were already married. But, I don’t see it a likely possibility that two truly and deeply awakened people would feel the need to commit to a relationship if they were single. My experience has been the deeper the awakening, the more universal the love for all beings. To devote to one person in particular, no matter how sweet the smile, or even an awakened one, over all others just doesn’t seem likely. There is a joy that arises when meeting another awakened being, but the main movement of the heart seems to be for those not yet awakened and still suffering.
Loving kindness and compassion can express sexually, but more often than not, if there is still strong sexual attraction, the awakening is not very deep or has not stabilized. When awareness itself becomes aware of whatever is arising, sexual attraction is just another thought, another feeling, and can be acknowledged and let go like any other. In time, sexual energy dies down and no longer drives behavior. With time, it simply no longer arises. It is only then that all people can truly be appreciated equally without any underlying tendency to plot for a more intimate, exclusive relationship. This in itself is very liberating, to be free of looking at women as objects of desire and to see them just as they are without any color of sexual attraction. Desire for sexual union is coming from a false sense of separation. When pure awareness predominates, there simply is no center and no sense of separateness. One’s heart is already in union with all sentient beings and all creation.
I'm not an advocate for people that are not ready to be celibate to force celibacy on themselves or others. This can lead to all kinds of problems. When awakening is deep enough and stabilized enough, it will happen quite naturally.
Finally, there is never a good reason for a spiritual teacher to seduce a student. Also, students should be mindful to not tempt teachers. Not every teacher is awakened, or, if awakening has occurred, it may not be sufficiently deep or stabilized. Best for students to not tempt teachers. Steer clear from teachers that claim "crazy wisdom" or the need for Tantric sexual practices to lead to an experience of union or no self! They are deceiving others as well as themselves.